My family has a religion, we are not atheists, but our
version of religion is not really what I wish I had. I am often envious of the
people who know that there is more to
life, that someone out there is protecting them and that somehow everything
will work out because God loves them. I don’t know any of it and I don’t believe that everything will be fine. I
wish these believes were installed into my brain when I was younger, it would
be nice if we attended church and belonged to a community. Instead, we didn’t
really talk about God, or the bigger picture. I wish we did.
My parents just followed through on the way they were
brought up since they didn’t know any better. Possibly, I am the only one in my
family who wishes things were a little different. However, I can’t say I don’t
believe at all. I do, at least half of me does and this half is the one that
has dreams of grandparents who had passed away having dinner together in
heaven. Still, there is another part of me that thinks dying would be exactly
like the last 5 seconds of the last Soprano’s episode – one second you’re here and
the next your gone. This worries me. I go back and forth on this issue, but in
reality I won’t get to know what really happens until it’s my last moment, my
last episode.
Also, I think families and people where God is a major
presence are better people, because they are “God-fearing people”. Of course, there
are extreme cases where religion turns into a negative force field that destroy
everything in its path, but those instances are not the ones I am referring to
when I say ‘religious’. To me, someone with religion behind them is a stronger
and brighter individual. It is someone who spreads love in every direction,
someone who is kind to all, someone who is wise and thoughtful, someone who is
noble, responsible and open. Obviously, you do not need to be a part of any religion
to be any of those things, but in my experience those without a fear of a greater
power often have no shame and often act in manner hurtful to others without a
regard for anyone else but themselves.
I am not saying that religion is a cure, but I think it
helps if practiced properly. I am not saying I do not believe in a higher
power, I just wished I believed at my core, that I KNEW that I wasn’t alone and
that there really is a purpose. How about you? Are you happy with the way you
were brought up or do you wish your parents put more/less emphasize on
religion? Do you thinking believing hurt
you or helped you?
